Creative Process

White Sky, Leonard…

The morning is soft and quiet with white skies and clustered mosquitos and I am still here.  Still writing (almost) every day and walking with my dog around the farm.  But here now is the big difference – I finished the final major draft of my novel.

What a fascinating, heartrending struggle this has been.  For two years no matter what I was doing, I should have been working on it, and most of the time I was.  Now I tend to wander a little, lost between manuscripts – the one that is completed and the ones I haven’t yet begun.  A strange and uneasy limbo.

In spite of emotional challenges and the mind blowing clarity they engendered, affecting everything, I managed to continue working on this piece.  It is now the best I can make it.

Isn’t that the way of it?  When you begin to commit to whatever it is you know  you were meant to be doing, all the doors along the way fly open.  Sometimes they let in the light, sometimes the very deep dark, and sometimes people you love walk out those doors, too afraid of your courage.  It is all, all alright.  Dance down that hallway, bellowing song.  There is nothing to be afraid of but giving up, and no point in that anymore.

“There is a crack in everything.  That’s how the light gets in.”  Leonard Cohen

I hope there is a line in the hall outside my study of muses whose voices will soon tell me their stories.  Their short, brilliant stories which I will take down for them and call my own.

© Margaret Grant and magoffleash, 2012-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.


Hiatus: a break where a part is missing or lost, as in a manuscript¹

Hiatus is a more apt descriptor than I had realized, given that the reason for the break is that something was missing and the example used in the definition is a manuscript.  Something has been missing from my manuscript.  Me.  

Last Autumn saw me struggling with a failure of courage such as I have never felt.  How do we get to be well along into adulthood before it occurs to us to look down at our squelching boots and see that what we took to be firm ground is anything but.  That was me.  I found out first hand what people meant when they referred to anxiety and panic.  I withdrew from everything and everyone except my writers group and tried to keep breathing.

People don’t like it when you do that.  It’s very threatening.  We are so dependent upon one another to pull our weight in hauling out the big lie that is the status quo every day and I never ever have wanted to live like that.  Since I began spending my days writing it seems I have been peeling back layers, always exposing what lies beneath to the light of day.  I thought I had gotten to the rocky substrata awhile ago, but I had not.

When you are working every day on creating something, that peeling back of layers in search of truth never ends.  As a writer it is my job to perceive every little nuance of human interaction, to turn it over in my mind, and remember it well.  By writing, expressing myself, and creating something in this way, I discover what is real and what is meaningful to me.  I shed the old behaviors that I thought protected me from unkindness.  So I find myself exactly where I need to be to write and where I have always wanted to be – raw, vulnerable, and wide open.  I let go of my corner of the status quo, the veneer that covers up those layers.

I have started writing again and I know that what I have been through was necessary in order to dig deeper in my writing than I have before.  My characters are more layered and imperfect.

Even this, as hard as it was, fuels my art and keeps the muses alive.

¹Webster’s New World Dictionary, Second College Edition, The World Publishing Company, ©1968

Creative Process

Leave Me Alone

“I thought of saying that I was writing a book and was not seeing many people.”  Colm Tóibín, The Pearl Fishers, The Empty Family: Stories, p. 89

I am protecting my time in September.  August was an unbearable bust for getting anything done except processing and exorcising emotional build-up, mine and others’.  If I am to write, I cannot do that.  I have to keep to myself, day after day, not just in pockets of time here and there.  When I am working, I am working all the time.  

I can’t focus and write in the morning if I know I have this, this, and that to do before I have to be somewhere later.  Maybe it is not the same for everyone, but for me I don’t just need a couple of unscheduled hours in my study.  I need emotional and psychic space as well.  If it takes time to prepare myself to go somewhere and time to process and recover afterwards, I lose my chance.  

My one and only chance.  Ever since I got a positive response from an agent query, outside demands on me ramped up and I found myself unable to grab the time and focus.  Coincidence?  I don’t think so.  

Charles Bukowski said you don’t need air and light and time and space.  If you’re going to create, you will, and that’s true.  I once did some of my best in-the-zone writing at a car dealership waiting for repairs.  Unlovely surroundings, but two hours with nothing and no one.  

I realize now that I have been constantly justifying to myself the need to protect my time rather than simply doing so.  Instead I could not believe I had the right to be selfish with my time or that I should be able to create and work regardless.   Not true.  It is possible to say without rancor or justification, “I’m sorry, I can’t go.  I will be working.”  Not everyone will understand my requirements and no amount of explanation will change that, but that’s okay.  What they do with it is up to them.  I need to use this chance, whatever it takes, and commit to it.  

I need pens, paper, computer, and quiet.  I need to be left alone.  

© Margaret Grant and magoffleash, 2012-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.


Writer Meets Agents

Last month I pitched my novel to two agents at a writers conference sponsored by the League of Vermont Writers.

In the days running up to the conference, and even for a few days following, I was in some kind of bubble, very much by myself and single focused.  It had been awhile since I had done something I had never done before.  I was preparing like crazy but also had a funny feeling that there was such a thing as too much preparation and that I might do better to let it ride.

At my first appointed time I introduced myself to the agent.  I shook hands, sat down, thanked her for her time, and launched into my 50 word pitch.  Before I got halfway into it, she interrupted me and began talking.  She talked more than I did and I wasn’t sure what to think.

She advised that I begin my pitch with the biggest event in the story in a ‘Can you believe this happened?!’ kind of a way.  She asked some good questions, one of which was to ask what my inspiration for the story was and to advise that I use that as a starting place.

When our time was up, I stood up having said only about five percent of what I had prepared and she said, “Oh but feel free to send me your work,” and I said, “Sure, thank you.”  Somehow I don’t think you really mean that.  

I went outside and walked around and then found a quiet place to think.  I had written a synopsis of my story just to have at the ready and I decided to take her advice and in my next pitch lead with that.  Also, at the opening panel, the second agent had said that she liked to get to know people when they made their pitch.

So when I went in to my next meeting I introduced myself and asked, “How are you,” and “How was your trip,” and watched her smile and relax.  I then told her a little bit about myself and thanked her for taking the time to meet with me.

Then I told her what my story was about, the long version.

She asked some very good questions and advised that since it was a character driven story that I would need strong characters and perhaps a variety of plot points.  She asked the same question as the first agent as to what had inspired this story, and also recommended including that.  I soaked it up.

She had remarkable communication skills, considered her words before speaking, and let me say what I came to say.  Near the end of our time she said, “I would really like to read your work, if you would please send it to me, okay?  Take my card.”  The bell rang, I said thank you so much, shook her hand and left.

I was stunned.  As much as I was hoping to hear that, I didn’t know what to do next.  But my editor was there as a vendor so I found her and she – she’s the best!! – jumped up, big smile and hug, and then said, “What did she say, tell me everything.”  That was the biggest blessing of the day.  Someone in my corner, you know?

It was several days before I could really fathom what this meant.  I am still revising my novel, for Pete’s sake, but this conference is so close by and it is only held every two years, so I went.

I have given myself a deadline to have something decent to send to her.  I still can’t believe it.  It really is true that when you set something in train, it assumes a life of its own and you have to dash to keep up with it.

© Margaret Grant and magoffleash, 2012-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Agent Pitch

Countdown to the Pitches…

I keep going back and forth between wanting to read more advice on how to pitch my novel in person and deciding never to read about it again because contradictions arise and freak me out.

A workshop I went to in the Spring said to get your in-person elevator pitch down to fifty words.  After a few weeks of hammering away on it, I finally decided that was impossible and that I would just talk fast.  Yesterday I thought I had it, started to send it to my editor for rubber stamping, and then realized I had left out my best sentence.  Start again.

When I finally thought I had it, I sent it out and then thought to do a word count.  Fifty words exactly!  Check it out!  I was stunned.  Who knew I could be so succinct.

The cool thing about this whole process has been that it helped to clarify in my own mind what my characters’ obstacles are and even led to the discovery that the two main characters’ journeys toward their desires actually mirror each other.  I had not seen that before working so hard on this distillation.  So there is a lesson learned.

My editor got back to me and said I nailed it, so I’m going with that version.  Now it’s time to practice the brief pitch and my supporting info out loud, over and over.  I’m usually pretty good with things like this.  I interview well, am quick on my feet, and don’t mind public speaking and being the center of attention.  As long as I can avoid nervous babbling I’ll be fine.

What makes this different from any other interview is that all the advice I have been reading and taking to heart has convinced me there are many wrong ways to do this.  Deep down I know the best advice I could have is, “just be yourself”.  Without the babbling.  Okay.  I can do that.

And I’m trying to think of one little thing I could do to make them remember me that doesn’t involve falling flat on my face going out the door.


© Margaret Grant and magoffleash, 2012-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Agent Pitch

Before I Make My Pitch…

In preparation for pitching my novel to two prospective agents in July I need to ~

Memorize my pitch

Practice my pitch for my writers group and friends and anyone who will stand still long enough

Meet with my editor, Angela, for her advice

Conduct market research as though I know what I’m doing

Increase number of blog and Twitter followers exponentially, immediately

Write up a bulleted bio and memorize it

Write up bulleted platform points to make and memorize them

Figure out what to wear besides jeans

Lose five pounds

Stop thinking about moving out of state instead




Creative Process

Since I got my manuscript evaluation back from my editor I ~

Three-hole punched the manuscript and put it in a binder.

Shopped online and bought four shirts, three pairs of pants, two pairs of shoes, and a messenger bag.  Returned all but one shirt and a pair of shoes.

Picked strawberries and sliced them, and one or two fingers, and covered them with sugar and cream.  Ate them.

Began a diet, lost three pounds, quit.

Walked my dog every day.

Gave up wine and sugar.

Went to the library three times and read William Trevor, Grace Paley, Raymond Chandler, Anne Donovan, and Jo Ann Beard in preparation for writing short stories and essays.

Ordered books recommended by editor, began working with them, became utterly overwhelmed, head on desk.  Walked dog, drank wine and then more wine.

Listened to the playlist of cello music made for me by my cellist friend and bawled my eyes out to Anner Bylsma playing Bach.

Listened daily to my internal scoffer who says “not really” when I say I am a writer.

Turned a year older without a plan for the day and finally took my dog and myself  off for a long drive south where the land opens up into a plain between the lake and mountains to the west and the mountains to the east and began to unwind, began to stop trying to protect myself from all the work I have to do and how hard it is going to be.  Silenced the jabbering in my head which keeps nothing at bay.

Pulled over on a dirt road where I could see hay down in fields and the mountains beyond on both sides of me and breathed in the hot scent of drying grass and reminded myself for the hundredth time that nothing can protect me from my fear but accepting that I was afraid and continuing anyway.

Woke up the next day feeling stronger, pulled out the excellent evaluation from talented editor, Angela Palm, that I am fortunate to have, and started at the beginning.  Again.


© Margaret Grant and magoffleash, 2012-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.